Monday, May 23, 2011

rapture rant

Hmmm. . .
Two Hands, two feet, ten fingers, ten toes and I still have my nose. No shaking, no quaking, no end of the world.
I'm guessing we didn't get raptured on Saturday night.
(well actually I did, but not in the biblical sense)
As well as I can guess, neither have my neighbors. I mean if they'd been raptured, would they be dragging out the garbage cans and watering their lawns?
Being a student of comparative religion
(I know, I know; I didn't chose it, it chose me)
, I know that Jesus never said there'd be an end of the world.
It's a mistranslation! What the scripture actually says is, ". . . and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
(Matthew 28:20)

It's an astrological reference. . . the end of the age of Pisces.

Biblically speaking, Moses ushered in the age of the Ram (Aires) and it's why in the Hebrew tradition they still blow the Shofar (ram's horn). Jesus ushered in the age of Pisces, the fish (which is probably why we have Chicken of the Sea tuna in a can) and in about 2150, some new mythological deity will kick off the next age, of the water carrier, Aquarius.
“As you enter the city, a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him to the house that he enters." (Luke 22:10) (Evian sales will explode!)

But what actually happens when the world ends? Does it melt, implode or crack like an egg. (a bit of omage for the graphic I heisted from google). And what happens to the moon if there's no more earth? Is it left out there just swingin in the wind with nothin' to orbit or does it go down with us? After 4 billion years of moon dance, that just doesn't seem right. And what about the sun? (By the way, if the sun is shining and there's nobody there to see it, does it still make light?) The sun's not going anywhere for the next 5 billion years! (at which point none of us will give a sh*t) And when it does, it'll take our world, the moon and most of the solar system with it.

Then there's that business of the rapture itself. . .
All those dead folks being raised from their graves and lifted into holy heaven. I would think that all that rotted flesh being raised above ground would stink to holy heaven.
(I live a block away from the cemetery)

This Harold Camping knucklehead decided that based on Jeremiah 25:32, “Look! Disaster is spreading from nation to nation; a mighty storm is rising from the ends of the earth.”, he could start shouting "the end is near, the end is near" and extort somewhere around $7 million dollars in donations.

What's got me cheesed about that is, I didn't think of it first. What a Scheme!

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